Life After Baby Comes Home
Posted by Michelle Kersey on Tue, May 18, 2010
In the previous post I shared with you my birth story of my first born son. He is now nearly 2 years old, and I'm here to share with you what life is like after the baby arrives in those first few months. You spend nine months thinking about what you need for a baby. However, you will need to also think about how life will change after the baby is home. What once were simple everyday tasks will require a little more time and preparation.
Everyday Chores
Once the baby came, I went from being able to take a day to clean the entire house, to having to clean constantly. I wasn't able to take a few hours to do all the laundry. It had to be done in stages, sometimes leaving clean clothes in a pile to fold the next day. Dusting, forget about it. I adopted a "if I don't see it, it's clean" mentality. Between constant feedings, diaper changes, and trying to get some sleep... there wasn't much time to keep my house perfect. I did accept help (grudgingly) when family stayed with us. While I like my dishes to be done a certain way, I had to forfeit my control to be able to get things done. I wasn't the only one who had to adjust though. My husband had to get used to pitching in more when I asked. We had our moments where he just wanted to relax, but as a new mom... you're on 24/7. So, I had to constantly ask for help in the beginning, but eventually he picked up on what needed to be done. (Communication is key) As a new mom, your #1 priority is to take care of the baby. If you need your husband to pitch in more with chores, it's not selfish. You have a big job on your hands that is physically and mentally demanding.
Shopping
I'm not much of a shopper to begin with, so this was a huge adjustment for me. I am an in-and-out kind of girl. But, with a baby you need to plan for a little bit longer of a trip. Even if you fed the baby before you left, by the time you are halfway through the mall or the grocery store it's time to feed again. Or change a diaper. Or soothe the baby. What's that mean? Break time! At the mall I would either go into my car and breastfeed (I'm pretty shy about that) or I would go into the maternity store. They are very pro-breastfeeding and will allow you to have some privacy and use one of their dressing rooms. The best thing you can do when shopping is have a buddy. Whether it's your sister, friend, or spouse you will need someone there to help with the baby so you can shop. Unless you have a miracle baby that really likes shopping and not getting any attention for an hour or more.
Car Rides
What once was enjoyable became very difficult. My husband and I would crank up the music and roll down the windows and just enjoy the drive to where we were going. That ended the day we brought the baby home. Music changed to things our son liked at a much lower volume. Thankfully, I still got to listen to some of my music; our son really liked Paul Simon and Jason Mraz. The windows were rolled up so the car could be kept at the proper temperature. However, the biggest change and the hardest part of car rides, was not being able to DO anything to take care of my baby for 20 minutes. If he was crying, all I could do was sing to try and soothe him. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. It was very difficult to listen to him cry and not be able to touch him. This is where it also helps to have a buddy. If you can, have your husband or friend drive so you can sit in the back seat and play with the baby or distract him.
Eating Out (or In)
Our "eating out" consisted of going to a restaurant for food... and eating it at home. I would put the baby in the bouncer and rock him with my foot so I could have a few minutes to shovel in food. Having enough time to make food was also a big change. Forget dinners that took many steps or required me to watch something on the stovetop. Meals changed to a lot of pasta dishes and even Hamburger Helpers. The best thing you could do is make food in bulk and freeze some of it. Or, make more than you need and save it for leftovers. What we had for dinner became our lunch for the next day. Eventually, I got back to actual cooking but it took a few months.
Date Night
My husband and I used to watch new movies all the time when they came out. It was one of our favorite things to do together. We watched out last "spontaneous" movie a week before our son came. It took two years before we had another spontaneous date; thanks to my mom who is very flexible and told us to go watch a movie and she'd keep our son. Our ritual of watching movies when they were in theaters was gone and we were lucky if we were able to catch a movie before it went to DVD. I'm sure most new parents are wistful of the days when they could just go away for a weekend or do an impromptu trip somewhere. Some are lucky and have a baby that goes with the flow. But, most kiddos thrive on a schedule... so you will probably adopt one too. Eventually, my husband and I started having date nights in. We would rent a movie, get take out, and have a date at home. If we were lucky, our son would sleep through the entire movie, but if not we could pause the movie and start again once his needs were met. The important thing to remember here is you will need a date night. Fit it in wherever you can, but make time for you and your spouse.
Sleeping
I'm sure most of you heard this already, but you won't get much sleep after the baby is born. Even if you are lucky and your baby is a great sleeper as soon as he comes out, it can change. What most people don't tell you is that as a mom, you will be able to survive on very little sleep. It is amazing and you will only believe it when it happens. While the "sleep when your baby sleeps" method works for most people, I felt like I had no schedule. So, after a few weeks of trying that method I started going to sleep early. I would feed my son and if he wasn't tired, my husband would stay with him for a few hours so I could start sleeping. Then, when it was time for him to eat again, my husband would wake me up; I'd feed him and put him down for the night. Every time he woke up in the middle of the night, I would feed him and put him back down and go back to sleep myself. I would continue doing that until 9 or 10 in the morning. That way I got enough sleep at night and was able to stay up during the day while he took naps; which also helped me accomplish other tasks listed above.
Start thinking about what your rituals are now and prepare for them to change. You will need to figure out how to simplify many tasks, and be prepared to just drop some things all together. Eventually, you will adopt a new "normal", be prepared... nothing will ever be the same again. But, that's a good thing.